You're whatever kinda gem you wanna be, my best friend wrote at the end of his email.
The email had nothing to do with gemology. And the words were just another of the fantastically funny, yet honest sentiments I have come to expect from my best friend.
His words did get me thinking about what kind of gem I wanted to be. Yes, this was a strange thought, and yes, most people probably wouldn't put too much time into thinking such things, but I suppose I'm not most people.
There are days a single thought takes over my word-infested brain and then I must write my way through it or else let the thought consume my mind forever. Maybe forever is a bit extreme, though you must understand that thoughts are something that are worth quite a bit to a writer.
But I digress.
I thought of my birthstone, the regal ruby, imagined the interesting colorful cloud that exists in an opal, and then the lyrics to "Diamond" by Rihanna started to play over and over in my head. At this time, I also considered taking up yoga. I thought of balance, of teacups, of lemon and honey, of bees. I thought a great many things before I had the one thought I needed: I wanted to be a diamond.
At first I'm sure this occured because of the song with its lyrics about being diamonds in the sky and my love of stars and nighttime and constellations. But it didn't matter how I'd discovered the thought because I knew it had to be true.
Now I'm sure you might be wondering why this simple thought constituted a blog post, and believe me, I've wondered the same thing. I guess I want to remember that like the diamond, I can't be destroyed by pressure, but rather must grow from it instead. I don't want the pressure I often inflict on myself, the pressures that society and family often produce as well, to make me into someone I don't want to be.
Recently I told another writer friend that I'd found it hard to journal the way I used to when I was an undergrad. I told her that since graduating I've felt more pressure than ever before. I let the words I'd written to her consume my mind and I didn't write them at that moment, but instead obsessed over them as I wrote a scene about a honey bee being crushed and a girl dying because she was the bee and they were both just dead. And I was being crushed as well by my own thoughts and confessions and I was breaking beneath the weight of those many winged things.
I found myself wishing for clarity and strength and brightness.
Now I understand that when my friend sent me that quick email, that instead of signing off with a cliche salutation, he said," You're whatever kinda gem you wanna be." And I understand that I didn't need to tell him then that I needed those words. I knew that the universe must have whispered this to him at the exact moment he was writing that email so that I would find the words. Maybe this seems a bit nonsensical, but I think it might be true.
I don't want to be broken by life, and so, like a diamond, I tell myself, "You cannot be broken," and the words feel just as true.
After reading this I hope, maybe, you'll disover some of these things, too: that best friendship often has supernatural qualities, that sometimes you need to discuss your thoughts so they can't crush you, and that even amidst all the many things in this life that will try to break you, you cannot be broken.