Today I was sitting in one of my three writing classes and all I could think of was my book. This is not unusual as most times during the day I find myself thinking of something from the world I have created. But today my thoughts drifted toward a place of wishing that I could share my book with my writing peers.
Alas there comes the age old fear that my book is not good enough and by instant correlation, that would mean I am not good enough as a writer.
In an email sent by a girl whose work I had to respond to today, she said she felt like the underdog of the class and that she felt like her writing was not good enough. Now I am smart enough not to include such things in the emails of my work I send out, but it seems there is this underlying fear in all of us. If this is true, when does this fear ever go away? Does this fear ever go away? Am I going against the grain by saying that I have these secret fears or am I like the majority of writers who toil away over a piece of their work and worry that all the sleepless nights have in fact, equated to nothing?
I hate this question. Usually I am all about questions as this has been the driving force behind not only the Falling series but my other writing as well. Somehow, my abilitity in crafting this book has been in posing questions for myself and then finding the answers I needed to continue on with the story. And yet, I have these other questions and there doesn't seem to be any real answers. I have looked at advice for writers on Veronica Roth's blog, Ellen Hopins' website, and countless other authors that I admire and yet, no one experience is the same and perhaps it is in this that I can find some comfort.
I already wrote the book so what am I still afraid of? People have already started to read the book (and have liked it) so why am I still so afraid? This is still a question I can't really answer. It is hard to psychoanalyze ourselves and find out why it is we feel and do certain things so I guess I can't expect to have all the answers right away. Granted, I have finished the book but it took close to two and a half years to acually write it. That isn't even counting the three rounds of revisions I have finished and the coutless other nights that will be spent to make my first book into something that I deem perfect. I know that eventually my fear will have to fade. I guess I hope that by admitting the fact that I am somewhat scared of what people will think of this that perhaps I can throw this to the wind like a red balloon and watch it float higher and higher until it is out of sight, out of mind. xoxo K.K.