Have you ever had the feeling that you are walking a tight rope and trying to balance yourself the whole way through? Well that would mean for the past month we have been in the same boat. For the past month it feels like I have been precariously balancing on a thin tight rope. Between balancing school, working two jobs, and trying to keep up with people and things in my personal life, I haven't been able to do the two things that I love: reading and even more importantly, writing.
Sure I have been writing essays for my Advanced Composition class and short stories for my Creative Writing: Narrative and Advanced Creative Writing: Narrative classes but I haven't been able to work on my one true love: my Falling Series. But all of that changed tonight when I opened up Scrivener and started working on Chapter Three of Book Two. It was rough at first. I'm not going to lie about that. But then, it wasn't. I think my problem boiled down to two pretty simple things. 1.) I was over thinking the writing instead of letting the characters just talk to me. I haven't talked to them in so long that I guess I forgot how smart they are, what good instincts they have when it comes to their story. 2.) I was trying to make the writingperfect. There's that word again. This word haunts me each day because I am a perfectionist and it drives me crazy when I can't make things perfect. I guess what I needed to be reminded of (by my best friend in the Chicago airport!) was that if I forced the writing and tried to make it perfect than it would be "shit." And you know what, he's absolutely right!
Somewhere in the past month of people asking me about the first book and asking about the second, I forgot the beauty of a first draft. I forgot that for right now, my eyes are the only ones that will see what I am working on. I forgot that it's okay if the writing is shit because I have the power to go back and fix it. And somewhere along the way, it must of just clicked because Chapter 3 is 11 pages and Chapter 4 is well on its way to being finished. So what does this have to do with balance? I think it all boils down to the fact that I have let my life get out of balance. It feels like I am tired (all of the time) and stressed (the majority of the time) and I wasn't quite sure what I could do to restore that much needed balance. Little did I know I just needed to relax, make a TO DO list, talk to my best friend, and write again. It was that simple. I hope I remember that when things get stressful and it feels like I don't have any time or any balance for that matter that I just need to stop...and write. I have to say, and I hope you won't tell anyone, that sometimes I feel just as broken and lonely as my characters. Sometimes I just want to shut the world out and crawl into my self like an origami paper crane. And sometimes I just don't know what to do about it. But the fact of the matter is that all I really have to do is write. For the longest time I worked towards things and sure I accomplished most of them but finishing this book was the greatest feeling I've ever had. I did it, all by myself, and sure it's not published…yet. But I know it will be someday because there are people who believe in it just as much as I do, and (because it's almost that time of year) I am so thankful for them. To my mom and Justin, who I wrote this book for because I wanted them to love it just as much as I did. To Grant and Jill, who I wrote this book for because they hate to read and I would love to change that with this story. For Tony who can't wait to see this published and has no doubts about my future as a published author. To my BETA readers, the people who read this first and...gasp...actually liked it, I'm thrilled that I could finally share my book with you. And last but not least, to myself because I want to make my dream come true and more than anything I just wanted to write. And if it turns out I am out of balance again, I hope I can remember this so that I can finish that walk on the tight rope and jump to safety.
xoxo
K.K.