Sometimes in writing, I have days where I feel like the things I am writing just aren't working. There are sentences that just don't feel natural, or paragraphs that contribute nothing to advancing the plot of the book or even the series as a whole. But sometimes in writing I have days where I feel like I am doing something right. Today was one of the those days.
Today I worked on Chapter 11 in my second book. I had a brief plan as to how I was going to tackle this chapter but it evolved into something truly magical when I was done. Looking back over it tonight, it wasn't the words themselves that proved I was doing something right but the emotions connected to those words.
At times tonight during the writing of this chapter, I found myself tearing up and other times I was crying so uncontrollably that I could hardly see what I was typing. Five tissues later I completed the chapter and it was an emotional journey with one of my characters. Even though he thought he was taking that journey alone, I was by his side the entire time, suffering just like him. Somewhere between the tears and the tissues, I feel like I have done something right. If my readers care half as much as I do about my characters than I think I will have done my job. For now, I must suffer through this tragedy of my own creation alone. For now, I am the only one who knows a life has been lost and it makes me feel so alone and yet so terribly close to my characters. They will be mourning the loss of their dear friend as I mourn the loss of my character. There is something about this experience that has brought me closer to the people who exist within my mind and through my own sadness, I crave their support. To the one I cannot name, you know who you are. You will be missed, and loved, and mourned.
xoxo
K.K. (a saddened writer)